Managing Anger – Part 1: The Human Effect

Sometimes, in a moment of anger, we end up losing much more than the argument.

 

Managing anger is not about becoming emotionless or never getting upset. It is about understanding how our emotions influence our thoughts, words and actions, and recognising when they begin to take control. After all, we have all experienced moments when anger gets the better of us. We say things we don’t mean, react more strongly than we intended, or allow a relatively small incident to disturb our peace for hours. And sometimes, the consequences extend well beyond that moment.

 

Master Choa Kok Sui makes a rather striking observation in the Experiencing Being: The Golden Lotus Sutras on Life: “When a person allows Anger to overcome him or her, that is craziness.”

 

It is a strong statement, but perhaps there is an important distinction here. Master is not saying that we should never feel angry. Anger is an emotion, just like happiness, sadness or fear. It is a natural part of being human. However, when emotions become intense, they can overpower our reasoning and objective mind. We may stop seeing a situation as it really is and begin responding entirely from how we feel about it.

 

How often have we looked back at something we said or did in anger and wondered why we reacted that way? Perhaps, had we paused for a moment, we might have responded quite differently.

 

How Anger Affects Our Behaviour

 

When we are angry, our attention often becomes fixed on what has upset us. We want to defend ourselves, prove our point or make the other person realise that they are wrong. In the process, we may find it difficult to consider another perspective or appreciate the larger picture.

 

This is understandable. When an emotion is strong, it can be difficult to step back and look at things objectively. Even a reasonable person may find themselves saying things they don’t mean or reacting in ways that are quite unlike their usual selves.

 

The difficulty is that the emotion may pass, but the consequences of our reaction can remain. A hurtful remark may linger in someone’s memory, a disagreement may become a bigger issue, and a relationship may take time to recover.

 

This is one reason why managing anger matters. It gives us the space to acknowledge what we feel without allowing that feeling to decide how we behave.

 

When Anger Costs Us Goodwill

 

I was once travelling in a cab and decided that I would give the driver something extra as a tip.

 

During the journey, he got into an argument with another cabbie and started mouthing expletives at him. His behaviour put me off, and by the time I reached my destination, I had changed my mind about the tip.

 

The driver probably never knew that he had missed out on something extra. He was busy expressing his anger, completely unaware that his behaviour had influenced an unrelated person.

 

I don’t know what had transpired between the two drivers. Perhaps the other person had provoked him, or perhaps he was having a particularly difficult day. We all have our moments, and it is quite possible that he was simply reacting to something that had upset him.

 

But the incident made me reflect on how our emotions can sometimes influence outcomes in ways we don’t anticipate. His anger was directed at one person, but it affected someone else who happened to be watching.

 

How often might something similar happen in our own lives? We may be upset with a colleague, a family member or a stranger, but our reaction can influence the way others perceive us. Sometimes, we may unknowingly lose an opportunity for goodwill, kindness or cooperation.

 

The Unseen Cost of Anger

 

The effects of anger are not always immediate or obvious. When someone frequently reacts with irritation or outbursts, people around them may gradually become more guarded. Friends may hesitate before raising a difficult subject, colleagues may think twice before approaching them, and family members may prefer to avoid conversations that could lead to an argument.

 

This does not necessarily mean that people stop caring. Sometimes, they simply don’t know how to engage without triggering another unpleasant exchange.

 

There is also the effect anger has on our own peace of mind. Have you noticed how an unpleasant conversation can continue playing in your head long after it has ended? We revisit what was said, think about what we should have said differently, and sometimes continue the argument in our minds.

 

The other person may have moved on, but we are still carrying the emotional weight of the incident.

 

Perhaps this is one of the less recognised costs of anger: not only what it does to our relationships, but also how much of our own peace and energy we allow it to consume.

 

Managing Anger: Is Anger Always Bad?

 

Not necessarily. Anger can arise when we witness injustice, experience disappointment or feel that someone has crossed a boundary. Sometimes, it alerts us to something that genuinely needs to be addressed.

 

The objective, therefore, cannot be to eliminate anger or pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t. Nor should managing anger mean suppressing our emotions.

 

It is about learning to recognise what we feel while retaining the ability to think clearly and respond appropriately. We can disagree without being disagreeable, stand up for ourselves without being disrespectful, and express our displeasure without allowing it to turn into hostility.

 

A calm response does not mean that we are less affected by a situation. It simply means that we are choosing not to let the emotion dictate our behaviour.

 

A Thought to Take Away

 

Perhaps the next time we feel anger rising, we could pause and ask ourselves: Is my reaction going to improve this situation? Am I seeing things objectively, or am I allowing my emotions to influence my judgement? Could I respond differently without compromising what I stand for?

 

We may not always get it right. That is perfectly human. But becoming aware of our reactions is a meaningful beginning.

 

Master Choa Kok Sui offers another intriguing observation: “Frequent anger brings bad luck.”

 

What did Master mean by this? Could the consequences of anger extend beyond our visible interactions and relationships?

 

In Part 2, we explore the esoteric perspective on anger, energy and bad luck, including some fascinating insights from C. W. Leadbeater’s writings.

 

This is Part 1 of our series on Managing Anger, inspired by the Golden Lotus Sutras of Master Choa Kok Sui.

 

If these perspectives have given you something to ponder, we invite you to explore more reflections on spirituality, self-discovery and conscious living on www.soul-literally.com/.